You’ve been there. A or B? Right or left? Him or him? Her or her? Talk to them about the thing or don’t? To go or not go? Take the job in paradise that pays nothing or stay in purgatory and make cold hard cash?
Sometimes a decision is a big one because it will have a big effect. It may shape the rest of your life or the next years or a lot of people. Sometimes a decision is a big one because it’s hard. There isn’t always a clear “right” choice.
So what’s a woman to do?
You’ve already called your inner circle and you have four different advices. You’ve done a tarot reading, a tea leaf reading and prayed for a sign.
Honey, I’ve been there. I’m probably there right now.
I will not discredit the tarot cards, nor would I ever advise you to skip the varying options of your closest crew. But after that, if after all that, you’re still like “WTF?” – then here’s what you do.
Decide what matters about the choice.
You probs better get out a piece of paper for this, or download the worksheet below, or start a new word document. Write the dilemma you’re facing and then write all the things. This can look like a “pro and con” list or an “if/then” list. This can be two to four columns of the “good and not so good” of each option. Do what’s best for your eyeballs to take in and translate to your heart and gut. K?
I have a cat named Kiki-kul-kul-khan. She goes by Kiki. She likes to prowl at night and one morning she came home pitiful and holding her back leg up, unable to put any weight on it all. A trip to the vet and $250 revealed that she had shattered her femur and because of the extensive break my options were to amputate the leg for about $800 or put her to sleep for no extra charge.
At the time, I was broke. Like, no money at all. Even having two cats to feed was a financial burden.
I called three friends and got three different opinions. Yes, I know there are only two options but that’s how friends are, they will find some other thing you hadn’t even considered. Thanks buddies.
So I did what I’ve come to find is the best way to figure anything out real fast. Made a list.
Go back through your list. Did you miss anything.
You need to get real here sister. No other soul is going to see this. You can be shallow. You can be altruistic… if that’s what is really going on inside you. If not, don’t be it. Not just yet.
Don’t be afraid to want what you want. Just want it and write it down. Let it live on your page and not secretly in your heart.
Research was involved in deciding Kiki’s fate. There were some quality of life questions I needed answered. I didn’t want Kiki to have a crappy life.
But I also had to get real with how I felt about the cost and what was really important about Kiki. Was it more irresponsible to value Kiki over debt or to keep my family out of debt? As a single mom who was barely keeping her head above water, this was a real and valid argument.
Consider your reasons for wanting what you want.
Now you have to go a little deeper. Motive is important. Doing things with intention is everything. Pick one of your reasons and ask “why” at least three times. Dig deep baby cakes.
Here’s where I was:
Kiki should live on with three legs. Why? Because she is important to our family. Why? Because my son and I love her. Why? Because she is literally the best cat I’ve ever had. She brings playfulness and cuddling to our home. She eats rodents and keeps the snakes away. Ew, snakes.
I cannot pay for Kiki’s amputation. Why? Because I don’t want to incur more debt. Why? Because I’ve worked so hard to pay off some of it and I don’t want a set back. I can’t afford it. Why? Because I don’t know what the future holds and what if everything I’ve set up and am working towards falls apart and then I’ve got this vet bill that I can’t pay? My son and I will end up ruined and living in a box on the street!
Well, when you put it like that it’s easy to see that one line of thought is operating from love and the other is living in fear. Easy.
Recognize this is a hard choice. Say it out loud. Maybe there is no “right.”
Your predicament is your own and each one is different. There may not be a Solution. But there is a better choice - for you.
Commit to a choice. Do you feel peace?
If you don’t, go back to step three.
I am ashamed to admit that I originally chose not to save Kiki, but to put her down and save myself and credit score instead. But I felt heavy. Miserable. Sick.
So I looked back at my list. I asked myself “why” a few more times and then… I changed my mind. I remembered that money comes and goes, but the best cat ever doesn’t. I remembered that god and the whole entire universe conspire together to give you what you need. I remembered that I’ve been in more debt than I am now and paid it all off, I’ll do it again. And I remembered who I am. That is major.
Who I am is love. Some of my fundamental principles are faith and love and compassion. And that, my dear, is the whole decision right there. Knowing what you stand for is how you pick your path. Which choice aligns with who you are and what you want to feel?
When I changed my decision I felt wonderful. Light. Excited.
That’s how you know.
Your decision has become another pebble in the path of becoming who you are. This is choice is proving your devotion to your core principles.
Kiki is on my lap as I type. She’s getting fur all over me. She looks up at me and smiles by squinting her eyes. She is so delightful. She can run just as fast as a cat with four legs and she stills prowls at night, eating rodents from tongue to tail. Go Kiki go! Get ‘em girl!
I love you.
P.S. If you’re pressed for time, just flip a coin. You’ll know when the coin is tumbling through the air what side you want it to land on. (Wink!) Sometimes that works.
2nd P.S. Had any hard decisions lately? PLZ tell me all about it in the comments! Lay it on me! We can do the steps together! Or you can write to me!